Sunday, May 9, 2010
Of Spaceships and Faith @ 2:22 PM
I for some reason have something to say. It just seems that I have no idea what that something is. Also, no one is really paying attention.
There's been a random increase in sexual predators trying to pick kids up on the side of the street asking for help finding a lost puppy and offering candy. Sad thing is is that they were really telling kids that. It's so sad. Every Sunday after church I'm used to seeing the kids in my neighborhood gallivanting around outside jumping and chasing things and whatnot. Not this week though. There is no one outside and it's beautiful. No clouds in the sky, it's perfectly windy. But no. No one is safe outside with old men driving around in unregistered white vans. 'Tis a shame.
Also, I have lost a muse. I didn't really realize I had one until I woke up this morning totally uninspired. There's crap going on with friends and things that are really bumming me out. It seems that every time I tell someone something that bothers me and expect them to respect that it does so, they go and talk about it. Or they put me in a car for an hour drive with it. Is it so hard to respect my dislike of a subject or a person? I told my best friend about something that happened to me when I was younger. Instead of him getting the message that I really do not like that subject, he decides to bring up the general topic often in a "fun" manor. By his definition of fun, he brings it up in a joking manor and everyone laughs. Everyone but me that is. And I look at him with hurt in my eyes and you know what he does? He keeps on talking about it. Bullshit.
Also. When I say I don't like someone and I admit that I have no reason for doing so, don't friggin drop a bomb on me by out of the friggin blue saying I'm going to have to spend an hour with them driving around aimlessly. And while all of this is happening, don't have the nerve to text me to "stop being emo." If you didn't want me to act like this maybe you should have not made me ride in this goddamn car. Again, it's all about respect.
But yeah. Back to the muse thing. As it turns out, he seemed to be it but is now being a totally meanie face poophead. I now chose to stop speaking of him.
I guess I'm just going to totally ignore the shit in my life and talk about spaceships instead. who needs to deal with reality anyway?
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Sunday, May 2, 2010
Of DDR and Octopus Arms @ 1:10 AM
It's been a while since I updated this thing.
Stuff that has happened thus far:
I have begun to be more open with people that I only kind of know. It has done me good.
I have been the victim of a dalliance with a jerk who still gives me hugs.
I have also been the victim of common sense. This was less pleasant that my knight in shining dalliance.
I am starting to become just like the girl who my best friend hated and has now become his new favorite person.
Great 2010.
Recently I had a dream that someone for someone reason was doing something and then they gave me a hug. It was a great hug, the best I've ever had. It wasn't too long or too awkward. But then, the perfect set of arms were turned into octopus arms and I was eaten alive by a tentaspy. Creepy dream I tell you.
(I also have a new camera that is pretty beastly. Yeah, beastly)
Labels: alt+0445 the man I use to be
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Thursday, December 31, 2009
Of Winston Churchill in Drag @ 5:50 AM
I, like everyone else, have things that I don't like about myself. But up until now I knew my least favorite thing, but had no way to explain it.
I think I do now.
I guess this should be like a letter to myself and to anyone who cares to read about this lonely little girl.
I hate how I can't love. I hate how knowing this doesn't affect me. It makes me dull; makes me forget about happy and excited. Happy and excited make me forget about it.
The thing is, I'm not indifferent towards people. I feel 'like'. I know 'like' in a kiss-good-morning type of way and that scares me more. I can like, but can never go further than that. That, to me, cheapens my relationship with 'like'.
I guess I do feel indifferent to people sometimes. But it takes time for me to realize that I don't like you. It seems like I get bored.
That makes me feel worse.
I always use excuses like, 'He didn't know what a relationship was' or 'He creeps me out'.
They're lies.
I didn't know what a relationship was. My face would get hot and I'd get giggly and then, nothing. I couldn't go further than flirting; couldn't go further than like.
I creeped myself out. I found out that he didn't really like me, he only wanted someone to make out with because he was lonely too. I found myself okay with that. I didn't like myself.
Infatuation never fully developed.
Never will.
I was born without those chemicals.
'Self realization rocks'
Labels: alt+3
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Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Of Girls Having Fun @ 8:32 AM
So my friend just found out and told me he has the hots for a jock. Yeah, he was totally casual about it.
"Hey did you get that assignment for English? Yeah I totally didn't understand it either. By the way I think I might like a boy."
"Wait, what? Who?"
"Oh just one of our good friends,
(INERTJOCKNAMEHERE)"
I was pretty indifferent towards it. I remained totally calm.
Neither of us mentioned The Jocks' girlfriend of six months.
Yeah, I was totally born without those chemicals.
Labels: alt+0233, of girls having fun
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I'm starting to think that I know nothing of how my life is supposed to go.
This whole thing has turned into a cliché movie about a young lady who realizes she's is nowhere near where she wants to be in life. And that she may be incapable of love and living without spell check. And no I did not just watch Paper Heart. That was last week.
In other news, I officially hate Texas for something that happened almost a month ago. A month. And Bump-Its. They make me want to shoot them in their smug little Southern Bell faces. FACES. I got them for Christmas.
Christmas.
And no I'm not telling what makes me hate Texas. Because I feel the need to be selfish right now.Labels: alt+0254, no chemicals of lurv, of star trek and darfur
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