I, like everyone else, have things that I don't like about myself. But up until now I knew my least favorite thing, but had no way to explain it.
I think I do now.
I guess this should be like a letter to myself and to anyone who cares to read about this lonely little girl.
I hate how I can't love. I hate how knowing this doesn't affect me. It makes me dull; makes me forget about happy and excited. Happy and excited make me forget about it.
The thing is, I'm not indifferent towards people. I feel 'like'. I know 'like' in a kiss-good-morning type of way and that scares me more. I can like, but can never go further than that. That, to me, cheapens my relationship with 'like'.
I guess I do feel indifferent to people sometimes. But it takes time for me to realize that I don't like you. It seems like I get bored.
That makes me feel worse.
I always use excuses like, 'He didn't know what a relationship was' or 'He creeps me out'.
They're lies.
I didn't know what a relationship was. My face would get hot and I'd get giggly and then, nothing. I couldn't go further than flirting; couldn't go further than like.
I creeped myself out. I found out that he didn't really like me, he only wanted someone to make out with because he was lonely too. I found myself okay with that. I didn't like myself.
Infatuation never fully developed.
Never will.
I was born without those chemicals.
'Self realization rocks'
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